Is This Goodbye?

Perhaps I’m just over thinking. Perhaps this isn’t the end. Or is it?

The sound of trains screech as they depart the station. Hurried passengers pant and groan as they make their way through the thick crowd of people, but all I can hear are the world coming from his lips. It seems strange, that we miss the people we claim we care about, as though they give out lives meaning. But do they really?

His lips seems to move so slowly. Or is that my head trying to keep hold of the moment? Whichever it is, it’s painful to watch as he bid his farewell, possibly for the last time. And I can think of nothing other than the next time I set my eyes on his, if that moment is ever to occur again.

Distance is the biggest challenge of all. Loyalty is just a great a risk. Love, is the biggest killer. My heart both flutters and wails, refusing to sway to one side. It’s almost too much to bare.

“Tell me when you’re home safely.” I force myself to say as I hold back the tears. I don’t want him to see me cry. “We aren’t having a sad goodbye, this time.” I keep repeating in my head. But he always knew a sadness would fall upon me. Deep down, he knows how much I care for him, and I almost believe he cares too.

“I will. You too.” He checks his watch, comparing it to the time of the train’s departure. “I’m going to head off now.” He smiles, yet it fades as his eyes examine my face. It’s as though he can see the tears that have now built up behind my eyes, even though they refuse to step into the light.

I hug him tightly, burying my head into his should as though afraid. But I am afraid. Afraid that Once I let go, he’s gone forever. Afraid that this moment in time will fade too soon. Afraid of everything.

“Is this goodbye?” I ask shyly as I pull away from his. My hands instantly find the grasp of one-another to hide their trembling. My head has already fallen to the ground, for I cannot bare to see his face if the answer is the dreaded “yes”.

“No, it’s not goodbye. It’s see you soon.” He said confidently. I notice his weary smile as I allow my eyes to flick up for a moment, before they fall to his feet. Even if I never see his face again, I never want to look away for a moment. I find myself rushing back to his warmth, possibly for the last time. It seems to last for no longer than a second, and even though the hug is brief, I almost forget why we are here.

“Goodbye.” He spoke for the final time before turning his head, moving his feet away from me, and towards the train. I fail to say goodbye back, as my voice is caught in my dry, painful throat. I want to call out to him, and tell him that I love him, but I know he doesn’t love me, at least not truly.

He boards the train without as much as a glance back to me, yet I watch as he fades from my… And that’s it. Gone, but not forgotten. Is this the way it is to be? Forever saddened by the departure of a loved one? Or is this time different? Will I ever see him again?

Is this really goodbye?

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