Viper’s Fang

What burns the most is not the flame,

But the dark scars left behind.

The singe from life is a cunning pain,

Yet I bare it.

I’d rather touch a Viper’s fang,

As opposed to being left abandoned.

I’d drink life’s venom as easily as water,

If it meant I’d never feel the heat again.

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Recall

I can feel my heartbeat. I can hear it when I lay on my chest as though it was in my ears. It tells me that I’m alive, that I’m still ticking, but it also tells me that I’m getting older. And that terrifies me.

After each and every beat, I age, and I’ll keep aging until my heart stops beating. That’s when I’ll know I won’t age further. But, my body will keep on changing. I want to be buried. Where? I don’t know, but I do know that I want my body to remain intact for as long as possible… even when time begins to set in on my corpse.

I often repeat a saying to myself: For time is not the giver of life, but the dawn of the end that follows the knife. I like it simply because it’s the cold truth; Time eventually brings death to things that are alive, just like a knife could do once it makes contact with something or someone. Time. That’s my enemy. I’d give anything just to slow it down a little. I would of course love to step back in time, to see my grandma again, but time waits for no man, and my life must keep ticking away… but I just wish it would slow down a little.

I’m 21. Twenty. Fucking. One. I remember standing in front of a mirror in my bedroom at my dad’s. I was about 11 or something like that. Age didn’t matter then. But something else did. I remember seeing myself in the poorly lit reflection, my hair a little too long for my liking, my green eyes gawking back at me, and I remember feeling this odd sensation as I realised that I was actually alive. Yes, I know it sounds silly, but to me it was an odd experience. I understood some ways of life, and I knew that the chances of me ever existing were slimmer than you’d think.

There was a moment then, where I tried to think back. I thought back to a stupid time like 10,000 BC. And there was nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Not even darkness. It’s like when you’re asleep, having a dream, and once you wake up, you’ll try and recall the dream for a while. But sometimes you can’t. Sometimes, you see nothing, not even black. It was in that moment where I began to realise that it might all end the same way it began. With nothing.

Life Is Selfish

There was a time, where I was alone,

Even though I smile today, the shards are still within.

Given time, I’d allow you to feel the sharp ends,

But don’t flatter yourself, I don’t fall freely.

You should well know, that life ain’t sweet.

Life is selfish,

So you have to be selfish yourself.

For time is not the giver of life,

But the dawn of the end that follows the knife.

A Rogue Thing

This one is going to be a bit rough. Well, then again, when are they never?

I recently had a thought spiral; what is the point in living? The question isn’t regarding the thought of not seeing a point in living, but just a rogue ponder of why we are living. If we MUST earn a living in some form, solely to support ourselves and contribute to the forever failing government that rarely gives anything back, then what is the point?

Take a moment to question it. We go to school in order to develop our minds in order to gain the knowledge to eventually get a job, and once we get a job, we have must work until we are at an age where we are more than halfway through our lives (sometimes 3/4 through), and once we retire, we don’t have the time, nor the energy to do what we always wanted to do. And after that? Well, that’s where things become bleaker than ever.

For those lucky few who do the work they’d happily do for the rest of their lives – I’m happy for you. For the rest, I feel your pain. I get it, I truly do.

I’m only 21, so I probably haven’t reached the point in my life where I’m happy with what I’ve done, such as starting a family. Yet, there’s a darkening thought that resides within that lifestyle; yes, starting a family is probably one of the best things that could happen within your life, but it can easily be one of the worst after time. I’m not saying that it’s something to avoid, I’m simply stating that everything ends at some point, and once it does, despair and sorrow sinks in.

I’m happy to be alive. That’s one thing I’m sure of, but I’m not happy that my life will eventually come to an end. That’s the one thing I know I can never come to terms with, and I know I’m not alone. It’s natural to fear death, and the struggle I’ll forever face is finding a way to give my life a meaning, whether that be doing what I dream of doing, or allowing myself to smile knowing that I can make someone else smile, too.

 

My Heart Is Your Home

I can taste the pain right on your tongue,

And for just a moment, my heart feels numb.

I know you’re afraid, but I shan’t hide,

For a moment in time can change the tide.

I’ll take the heat if it means you’ll smile,

Only for you, I’ll walk that mile.

Even though the journey is far,

I’ll always guide you, wherever you are.

Know just this; you are not alone,

And tell yourself this; my heart is your home.

Reflection

I see my eyes as young as they’ve ever been,

Just as the day when I came into this world.

I wasn’t rich, but I could breathe,

Sometimes that’s enough to keep you going.

I never had a mother’s love, nor a life blessed with grace,

But I had riches worth more than gold, I had people worth knowing.

Sit by my, close to the river bank,

Take a look at our reflection.

Take a moment to feel the air,

And remember what’s worth living for.